Monday, October 29, 2012

shutting down

my blog comes to an end, just as the seasons rotate so does the era of the blog. i hope my deeds will be remembered. i hope i will not remain just a memory.
as my soul reaks for vengeance, my words turn only to havoc. i always thought what i want was to love. but i do love, so much.
the only thing i ever wanted was to feel loved back.

goodbye and farewell


Tuesday, January 24, 2012

down



i let myself cry,
i let myself die

and all of this for what?

you let your pride dictate over your mind
once risen up you forget what brought you there
and one day you will realeyes that you are not walking on a red carpet
you are walking on vanity, sin, pleasure and lust.

some call it love,
some call it passion,
some call it fame.

either way,
as long as you are the only one feeling it ...

it's just another sin in your picture book.


right now i'm the biggest sinner of them all,
take care.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

what do you believe in ?



what is the true answer to the real question ?

i can forsee my future because it happened in the past
the more you can accept your past
the more you understand it happened to be the future you forsaw
because you never tried forseeing it in the first place

i can not know where the madness began
or when it will end

i can only know the past begins when i open my eyes
and the future ends where i close my eyes

one day,

the future will end

and that.
will be the day i accepted my past

whatever is untrue, you will forsee as unreal
and the only real things in your life are the ones you can call true

therefore you can understand that there will be

no true answer to a real question

and that there never was

an untrue answer to an unreal question


one way or the other you will want to understand that

everything is. and
noTHING isn't

once you stop believing in something
you make it become untrue and
right now i just want to be unreal
so that everything i know can be true.

i hope you find meaning in this, everything,
for i find no meaning in noTHING

but there are just as many answers as
there are people to believe in

and i chose US.


Sunday, December 12, 2010

cry


i lost count of when i cried last time.
many days, many months, many years.

today, i can start counting back.

Friday, September 17, 2010

disperse



fake
this life is fake
what i feel is fake
what i represent is fake

the truth so vast i cannot comprehend
the pain i waste on someone else

someday, some life, you're just gonna replace me
replace me with what i'm not
replace me with what i don't feel for you
replace me with what i don't represent for you

this irreplaceable bond we're in...
why do we share different emotions?
why do we share different ideas?
why do we go on different paths?

why can i not believe this incomplete truth?
that we are here to be on each other's side
why can i not believe in God?
when u left me.

all the sadness in the world
disappears when i close my eyes,
for there is nothing for me in this world,
disperse.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

this time.

so this time i could just go in
i cant get you off my mind
i see your face everytime i close my eyes
i hardly know you but im hypnotised..

where did you come from you wanted .. as we
and since the day i lost my will to speak
im making for you for the first time in a long time
ive been waiting so long but it just seems i cant make you mine

so this time, i could just go in.


Sunday, August 1, 2010

rot



its raging, roaring, watching
waiting for the right time to lit the fuse

filling me with anger
filling me with rage

closing my eyes, mirrors i see
to the soul i wreak
havoc i kill.

indeed, you are a killer
of your own kind
walking the past side the blind

emotionless void covering my being
only question i hear myself asking

why are you still here?

always

it doesn't matter who you are
only what you stopped being
only how you stopped living

die already

can i not beg for my suffering to stop?
can i not beg for your soul to rot?

not
always.

Monday, July 26, 2010



Fall!


Now the dark begins to rise
Save your breath it's far from over
Leave the lost and dead behind
Now's your chance to run for cover
I don't want to change the world
I just want to leave it colder
Light the fuse and burn it up
Take the path that leads to nowhere
All is lost again, but I'm not giving in


I will not bow, I will not break
I will shut the world away
I will not fall, I will not fade
I will take your breath away


Fall!


Watch the end through dying eyes
Now the dark is taking over
Show me where forever dies
Take the fall and run to heaven
All is lost again, but I'm not giving in


I will not bow, I will not break
I will shut the world away
I will not fall, I will not fade
I will take your breath away


And I'll survive, paranoid
I have lost the will to change
And I am not proud, cold blooded, fake
I will shut the world away


I will not!


I will not bow, I will not break
I will shut the world away
I will not fall, I will not fade
I will take your breath away


And I'll survive, paranoid
I have lost the will to change
And I am not proud, cold blooded, fake
I will shut the world away


Fall!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Saturday, July 24, 2010


patiently awaiting the last day of sadness
they day it reaches the point in space
the point of complete hollowness
the point where nothing hurts, ever, again.

the day everyone throws rivers of undeath cheers at me
the day everything turns white with black nucleus

the day my desires turn into convicion
the day my good deeds turn into nightmares of regret

the day i can laugh life in the face and say it's over

the day looking back doesnt feel so sad anymore
because i can look up to the sky and become it.

consecrate my desires into unearthly conviction and turn me into dirt
for i dont wanna be anything less than what i walk on
anything less than what i spit on ...
anything less than what i look up to
...
and more of nothing from what burns inside :)

forge universes from my tears
forge forgiveness from my undone sins
forge perfection ouf of the nothing i am.